Final Fantasy : Advent Children

Friday, April 20, 2007

Me.broken-hearted.Nah.impossible.

before i fall in love again - Coco Lee

i read a post from angez's blog.
i read it from somewhere else before.
a quote.
but it pierces my heart just to think of it.

it was about.
your wife being your best friend.
there should be no one as impt as your significant other,
who will share your life with you.

i asked you to be my best fren once.
you said you would be there.
you promised forever.
you didnt stay...

now i sit here.
u want to be frens.
i cant do.it.
u were my joy.but u left halfway...

during psychology lesssons.
they mentioned there is no such thing as expecting things to happen.
cos u cant expect anything...
i cant blame you.

i just wished i understood.
so badly.
why.
you discarded me so fast.

but i wont ask you.
there is nothing on earth u could say.
that would bring me comfort.

every song.
game
lecture
talk.

had u involved.
now i have to uninvolve you.to continue with life.
its miserable.
i know nuts about love.probably thats why it hurt so much.

i have a few broken-hearted frens too...
i cant tell them it doesnt hurt.
cos telling them it doesnt.is a lie.
i dun even know wad to say to them.

there isnt enough alchohol or cigarettes.
in this world to forget this.
i owe too much to give up living.
but its turning empty.

and as those old people say.
time heals all.
ya shaddup.
i believe you.

its amazing u could hurt me so much.
cos i let myself get hurt.
i whine like a girl.
but if i turn cold.and emotionless.then it isnt me anymore.

alrite.its broken already.
lets go find the next one to hurt it.
goodbye my thoughts.
for now.

"stay there forever for me,trapped in memories"
-cloud (fantasy VII)

Cloud Forgiven | 11:05 PM

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

its a relief.1 down much more to go.

EvE, the Apple of my eye-bell X1

author's comments: yea its the same song again. its nice.meaningful.

DAMN its good.
lol a fren is back around again.
ANGEZ GOO something something.(lol)
its reallii FUCKING GOOD.leh.

i have lost so many things over these last 8 weeks.
a good fren isnt one i want to add to my list.
its been a helluva 8 weeks.
my frens started to go missing one by one.

some dissappeared from my vicinity altogether.
some just decided that it was enough.
some just went.god knows where.
and SOME JUST GAVE LIP SERVICE.

its really fucked up to have IVAN gone.still
i hear people say mean things. its like he IS MY FRIEND LEH...
true he gots his FAULTS AND ALL! but u dun say like dat about him in my face.
i am not claiming to have treated him the best. but dun be mean.

easter was hell.it was.
GOD was there.but i wasnt.
i didnt give much of a fuck for easter.
i was HEAD-DEEP in sin. (I SO DUN WANNA FORGIVE,RELIVE,and REDEEM myself.HURT isnt a word for those people.they damaged me WELL.still its a personal choice to be this upset.)
still it kept me busy.

meetings.and more.
and all that late night crap. i let myself do.
lol.
my mind so occupied...tho not enough.

school.work.piling.so.damn.fast.
exams.test.practicals.lecturers.
cant almost breathe.

to hear that angez is doing fine...is a MAJOR sign of relief.
but its kinda cool that i had to hear it so late.
wad if something happened earlier?
would someone tell me that.
a fren in hospital.
if i went to hospital.
would u like to hear it from maybe NEH,or GMOTHS that i died already?
its icks me.
not that appendisectomy is that FATAL.
but think about it eh? maybe everyone was busy.
maybe it was occupying.maybe it didnt occur to anyone.
maybe it was supposed to be kept a secret.
think about it.

BUT A FRIEND was hospitalised.
AND MINE!
oh well its not a big deal.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

screw this la.
always people say i never understand them.
people say i am a friend.
then act as if i am not.

"we dun want to trouble you.
u are busy.
i didnt think you would let me do this.
sorry i gotta go,i made a promise with someone else.even though i did promise you.
u dun understand me."

tell me.
do u like these phrases.
let me say them to you.
i have phrases like these thrown to me every WEEK.
U KNOW!
EVERY WEEK.
every group.that i have helped/helping.does this to me.

i didnt make it this so hard.
all u have to do is let me know.
i do TRY.sometimes
i aint god.
tell me.whose life isnt in mortal PERIL?
dun shyt with me.

anyway bottom line is GLAD ur back angez!
hope u will get completely well soon.
and bring your light into others' lives.
keep wadever you are doing,GURL!

"You are called to be the LIGHT of the world, and SALT of the earth,
to be a shining example,and never to lose its value...
-but sometimes its just so damn hard to love these people with
their heads stuck up their arse. BUT my God loves them.so shall I.always.like he does for me."

Cloud Forgiven | 8:27 AM

Sunday, April 15, 2007

its school.u EMO kids.

chao xi huan ni- farenheight(i think)

ITS SCHOOL tmr.

so weird. the last few days.
so fast.
so BWAH.....ah......BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

i couldnt bear to blog my stories down.
oops =X
and the 100 reasons why LAN is better than WOMEN.

but nvm it.
ANGE is in hossypiTOL!
aha.supposed to visit that ole piece of mutton.
but had a meeting....LONG AND BORLING.

i miss GOD
i miss BLEACH and NARUTO.
i miss hippos.
i miss enjoying comp games obsessively.
i miss PLAYING COMP AT SCHOOL'S MACS.
i miss showing the middle finger around with a smile.
i miss chatting during lectures.
i miss that new girl.
i miss that old girl.
i miss all the girls i havent met.
i miss all the guys who have TOUCHED ME "there" =X
LOL.

F&*$ yoU. hahax. i am creating a new blog.
but i will still keep this one.
hahax.
i will maintain both.
lol.
F()[< ...
i am gonna miss IVAN.
this really sucks.

suddenly there is SICK urge to join the ARMY.
its like SCREW everything.
screw me.screw u.
hope i die in the army.
YOUNG and PROMISING.

i dun wanna live past 50.
its a declining age.
u just get sadder there.
i hope i aint cursing myself. its bad for longeveity..or sumthing.

BUT on the nicer side. there other NEW girls coming to town.
BUT nO...
who wants that LAME,COWARDLY,UGLY FREAK.with no intelligence.
lol. not even esmeralda from that cartoon.

did i mention that i went FISING!
with NEH NEH and frens.
they caught wierd stuff.
small and weird.
damn nice.wind was nice.no irritating people.
BUT i was tempted.to smoke.
its looks so relaxxing...
the puff from the mouth.
AHHHHH...shiok shiok.

there was a gang fight a river ahead.
police.amubulance.drama.
life.was.on.the.edge.
i suddenly wanna be a part time BENG.
they dun care.they arent troubled it looks.decieving huh.

saw jeremy TODAY.
GOD it was needed.
lol.he found my sanity.
and kept me laughing.

that reminds me i need to buy a CD.
and return a favour.

--------------------->school starts in 9 hours. at this point of time<---------
*smack that by akon featuring eminem*

be naughty.
be shameless.
be shallow.
be whatever i wanna be.

music.is.the.way.i.wanna.die.
high.is.the.way.iwanna.live.

I SAW A HOT GIRL AT TTSH.
student. HELLLLLLLLO NURSSSSSSSSSE!
i saw 2 more hot girls while eating chicken rice.
the world is so FULL of them.
i wanna be HOT.
then i shall join them.

good night.i shall have happy dreams.now.
NEE-SAN.here i come.!

Cloud Forgiven | 8:51 AM

Monday, April 09, 2007

50 litres of love.

Eve, the Apple of My Eye - bell X1.

Blind faith.
was a controversy wassit not?

This Easter.
was busy.
lonely.and not.
crazy. and definitely not SO HOLY =p.

Blind Faith.
is believing.
in GOD?
or issit believing that GOD.would make himself man.
come all the way down.
just to get humiliated dying a painful and public death?
or believing in his teachings of love?

Faith cannot be just having confidence in your faith or
knowing your faith,or simply just believing,
or believing it as others do.
it is some and more.it could be all of the above and none at all.
Faith as intangible. but the repercussions of it.can be so strong.
its physical expressions can destroy or make empires.nations.

i shall touch on the topic on LOVE instead.
for it is everything all religions focus on (not including CULTS).

why is FAITH so difficult? for it teaches LOVE.
and why is LOVE so difficult? for it isnt a realistic notion in this world.

almost everything on this earth.
can be measured.
except LOVE.
especially LOVE.

every other behaviour in this world will get u wad u want/need?
greed = nourishment? self-pleasure?
cruelty = an elevated sense. domination.respect.fear?
power = less work. more gains?
anger = to get things done the way u want it to be?
revenge = to pay others back for your personal loss.to get a repayment?
sadness = a comfort for the loss.a way to get pity?
lust = to satisfy whatever u desire?
*i may be all wrong about it...but this IS JUST A POST!*

love=? what does it give you? what can u get in this world,
which will physically reward you.instant gratification.they call it.

when volunteers, go for missions trip to hlp those in need?
do they get rich?
do they get famous?
do they get power?
do they get their stomachs fillled?
how about a shelter?
a lifetime promise of comfort?

look at mother teresa. in a physical aspect.
she lost it all.
only in a spiritual aspect did she gain...+
only in emotions was she happy?

can u afford that kind of payment?
are u willing to wait for something which isnt guaranteed?
IF GOD and HEAVEN doesnt exist...
DOES "KARMA" or the phrase: " what goes around and come around",suffice?
scary thought isnt it...

Food can measured in your diet.
Money can be exchanged for goods.
time can also be traded.
lives also can be traded.

how about love?
is there anywhere that says u need 8 cups of love a day
or u can go without love for 1 week.
how bout all u need is a daily does of 20minutes of love.and thats enough.
having 4 people to love is safe.

my apologies.but i dun think there is such a thing.
i aint preaching.its a personal reflection on my part too.

thats why LOVE.is so damn difficult.
to be responsible and unselfish.
when u believe in this...and act on it!
its called blind faith.

u cant see your GOD,
u cant see your rewards,
u cant even see the results...
u mean it that ISNT BEING BLIND?

2007 years ago.they hung a man.
2007 years later. is there any change?
are people still suffering?
how about i let you decide the answer.

Actions
It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.
-Mother Teresa

Faith
Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
-Mother Teresa

God's Trust
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
-Mother Teresa

Hunger
The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
-Mother Teresa
There is more hunger in the world for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.
-Mother Teresa

Cloud Forgiven | 9:32 AM

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

i lack power:"kurosaki ichigo"

i wanna love you forever- jessica simpson

just watched bleach.
good.
shiok.
actually is damn good DAMMIT!

i found that out my hate cannot be compounded,
the thing neither can my love.
i realised i dun hate but neither do i love.
actually i dun move.

"weary are the restless, until the day we come to pass.
And wait for the wave of relief that will wash at us at our final moment."

-i came up with this quote *thanks* i hope no ah pek or ah ma beat me to it.

death is not answer,
not for hate,
nor for love.
it is only an respite.

i fight every bond that claims me to them.
i start to shrug every responsibilty i swore to uphold.
i ignore the ideals that i proclaim.
i in essence disown myself,but relish in it.

so life-taking it is...
so self-destructive...

ah, but that isnt true.
its a self journey.
everyone walks the darker path sooner or later.
its which is more inviting to them.

the light has shadows.
the darkness has its radiance.
can i unite both?
will something stronger emerge?

if Ido not question MY GOD,my FAITH and my BELIEFS
then will you understand what issit u trust/believe in?
blind faith is unyielding loyalty.
pure ignorance however is unending stupidity.

i have about 4 hours before i awake for work.
it bugs me in some ways.
but in others it doesnt.
fatigue reduces thinking.

i found new people who hate as i hate.
and love as i love.
its uplifting! really!
people who understand extreme emotions.

who let me understand that they as mortal as me.
refuse to forgive.
but understand how love works.
they understand how HATE works.and they love it too.

i am like a bounto who found his clan.
wrong thinking we have.
but we dont find it wrong.
cos its a norm.

lol. i tired la.
the urge to blog was there.
just to expell some bullshit from my mind.
thats the problem when i blog.no purpose really.

coming up somewhere in the near future:
the story of the 13th guardians i nver got to writing down.
a special dedication to a unique lady -written already.(story)
the dao sa pao story,inspired by a friend.-onli got title.
and the B.U.M.S. story....but i cant remember.how it goes.
it was good kay!!!

Cloud Forgiven | 10:09 AM